I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
