wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
