I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
