I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
