He asked me if I "almost moaned"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
