Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Randomize
