i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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