Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
