Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize