Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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