I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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