my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
