You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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