my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
