You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
