"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
