i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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