So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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