I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
