and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
