Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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