You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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