And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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