Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
