Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize