my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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