He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
