Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
