tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I think I won the penis lottery.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
