Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
