Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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