the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I have aggressive nipples.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
