Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I could make wine with my vomit
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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