The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
