So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
