I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
