Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Life is so much better after having sex.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
