hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
