what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize