dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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