4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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