Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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