And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
