he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
