My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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