By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
