South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
