so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize