I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
