i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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