And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
