have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I want a musical about memes.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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