duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
