My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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