I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
