dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
