coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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