He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
