I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
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