I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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