I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
