you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
